Public disparagement and humiliation, also with common children
Sex withholding or degradation
Cessation of all joint activities, especially of a social nature
Pervasive distrust and micromanagement
Discard reenacts unresolved separation phase.
Individuation depends on devaluation (in order to preserve grandiosity and exit the shared fantasy) and externalization-projection (reversal of internalization-introjection). When either of these two processes fails, hoovering results.
So, emotionally, discard precedes devaluation. The narcissist hangs on to his partner only in order to complete the devaluation.
Devaluation resembles also the separation phase in adolescence: reactance (defiance), contempt, distancing, negative identity formation, approach-avoidance.
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